Who could have guessed a seemingly happy and innocent past-time like little league baseball would turn into a lesson of civil and women rights! What a lesson for my eight-year-old daughter to learn.
When I signed my daughter up to play baseball I expected her to learn team work, accountability, and responsibility. I also expected her confidence to increase as she learned how to play and continue to advance in the game. I was unprepared for the discrimination she would face because she is a girl playing little league baseball with little boys. What do these second and third-graders know about gender discrimination?
I can hear you now asking why I didn't expect the little boys to tease her because she's a girl. The truth is up until now her gender has never been a problem. I just assumed that times were changing and much of the ignorance of my generation and my parent's generation had gone by the wayside.
I remember my first run in with race discrimination. In kindergarten a little boy told me he could go ahead of me in the big wheel line because I was a "*igger". That was the first time I recall being exposed to that horribly hateful word and even though I didn't understand what it meant at the time, I knew by the context it wasn't a term of endearment.
A generation later, my little brother (14 years my junior) had his first racist encounter in the first grade. A little boy told him that the other kids couldn't play with him because he was African-American. Even though the name was more politically correct, being singled out because of how God made you still cuts deep.
I remember being angry because of my brother's hurt. I also thought how peculiar that the little racist boy was of Asian decent (not white). I reserve this statement as a topic of an entirely different conversation.
Turning back to my daughter.
I dreaded the day my children would come to me crying because the other little kids made fun of their skin color or their hair. And yet, because of my own experiences, I have been waiting and expecting it. But ... my daughter has successfully maneuvered through a predominately white preschool, into elementary school and up to the third grade with no such occurrence. Hence, I believe that the generations are changing.
My daughter is a girl. She likes being a girl. I love that she's a girl. And, nothing is going to change that. She also likes baseball and so far loves playing with the boys. And, I am so happy to say that she can hold her own on the baseball field.
This past spring, my little slugger inspired a revolution of sorts in her little league. While she was the first girl on her team, by the end of the season her team had more girls than boys. Ari was even asked to play in a post-season tournament. The only girl on that team, I might add.
Unfortunately, all the girls on Ari's team also had to learn a valuable lesson about sexism and bullying. One little boy decided to ridicule all the girls. He would say "girls can't play baseball", "you're suppose to play softball", and "you suck". During practice, when the adults were looking the other direction, he threw baseballs at the girls' heads. Yes, at their heads.
While I can generally be level headed in most situations, I had an instant flashback to fifteen hours of labor and the first time my daughter and I met face to face. Every instinct inside of me wanted to tear this juvenile delinquent apart. How dare he try to break my baby? Momma Vesuvius almost erupted on this second-grader ... but cooler heads prevailed.
The mothers circled the wagons and lead their daughters on a preemptive strike. First, the league president addressed the entire team about team work and respecting one another. Then, each mother did something unexpectedly, we gave our daughters the same advice. It went something like this (please note that names have been changed to protect the jerk wads of the world).
Daughter (sobbing): "Mom. Little jerk wad is being mean to the girls when coach isn't looking. He told me on the field that I suck and need to go home. He said the team is losing because I can't play and he threatened to throw the baseball at me."
Mom (fuming): "Well baby. The next time that happens you have to tell the coach."
Daughter (sobbing): "But the coach isn't around. And, if I tell, he will just get mad and do it more."
Mom (fuming x2): "Okay baby. What do the other boys say when he does this."
Daughter (sobbing): "They don't say anything, most of the time. Sometimes one or two of them add to it."
Mom (seeing red): "What do the other girls say when he is doing this?"
Daughter (sobbing): "They don't say anything because he does to them too."
Mom (light flashes on): "Okay honey. Here is what you need to do. When he starts speaking like this to you, or any of the girls again, you all have to stand up and tell him he's stupid. Then you have to tell him he's just mad because he sucks and the girls are better than him. Then tell him that nobody likes him and then stop talking to him altogether. When he comes around, shun him. Don't play with him, don't include him in your conversations. But, you have to include all the other boys and make all the other boys your friends. Then, when no other adult is looking ... tell him that if he ever threatens you again you are going to kick his butt."
lol ... I know what many of you mothers are thinking. How can I give my child advice that promotes violence. And, what if he hurt her?
In truth, my daughter is not aggressive and would never have threatened that little boy. However, she didn't have to. The girls united and the other boys followed suit. Their collective unity caused enough peer pressure to stop this little monster in his tracks. I suspect one or two of the other little girls actually threatened to beat him up.
At the end of the day. My baby learned that he was jealous of her because she was a solid ball player. And, he was embarrassed because he played with so many girls. Even though their team performed well and won a fair amount of games.
Later in the season, his mother came up to me and engaged in casual conversation. She started by saying, "Your daughter is good. Do you practice with her?" She then asked why my daughter wasn't playing softball with the girls.
Really? My response, "She wants to play baseball."
One day at school his father approached me to talk. He made a statement as if it were an after-thought or some realization, "Your daughter is in the third grade. She's older than the other kids on the team."
I understood in that moment he was trying to justify why she was better than his son, so I smiled and refusing to give him the satisfaction, I said, "She started school early. She's the same age as your son."
This little snot was the spawn of ignorant misogynistic people. It takes big monsters to breed little monsters.
So I looked in the mirror and was so glad Ari and the other little girls were able to work out their issues with out their Momma Bears breeding new bullies!
BATTER UP ARI! Make Daddy's Louisville Proud!
1 comment:
Kim your post is very interesting, yet true. As a student and future sociologist, I have written many essays on sex, gender, and race. When it comes to sex and gender the world that we live in teaches that males are dominant and are preference over females.
As you Know I have “six” daughters and I teach each and every one of them, anything a guy can do you can do better.
Although I am fully aware that society teaches us otherwise. Sexism is everywhere we go, do, and see. In advertisement, marketing, pop culture, the commercials what we watch on T.V teaches us that men are masculine and females are feminine. Whenever you walk into a big department store, like Toys R us, everything is divided according to gender. There is pink on one side and there’s blue on the other side. There are aisles for males and aisles for females. On the male aisles there are toy trucks, hot wheels, guns, balls, and action figures. On the female aisles there are Barbie’s, make-up, and jewelry. Here’s a perfect example. I took my nephew’s and grandson’s to see comic-con 2013. Where we seen all these different action figures, superhero’s like batman, superman, Spiderman, aquaman etc. We were taking pictures with all these different super heroes. When it came time for them to take a picture with Hello- Kitty, my little nephew, simply said no. I kind of knew his reason why he said no but I asked him anyway. He said “It’s a girl”. You can tell by the expressions on his face that he wasn’t a happy camper. So I took the time and explained to him that girls are super heroes too. I said what do you think about your mom? She clothes you, feeds you, comforts you... do you think she qualifies to be a hero, he said yes. I said see girls are heroes too. Women save lives just like batman, superman, and the incredible hulk.
These examples, are just a couple of ways our society as a culture, promotes sexism and gender different. We have a long way to grow as a nation. One child at a time. Thanks for sharing your article. On your way up the corporate ladder, I’m certain you’re going to experience more of this type of injustice, based upon gender and roles males and females must portray.
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