Prior "Gun Violence" with the Sandy Hook school shooting, "Bullying" was the buzz word in mainstream media. There have been a number teens and young adults committing suicide because they have been teased or tormented by peers. I would assume some of these people (in extreme cases) have also turned to gun violence and mass shootings, taking frustrations out on their peers.
However how these atrocities emerge in our society and become household discussions on a national level is beyond me. But I can't help but think somewhere a parent may have missed their opportunity to help their child. I am not pointing fingers and I am not dismissing that some of these people may have had serious mental conditions that required professional help.
Yet as a mother, my daughter has turned to me in great despair because she's being bullied at school. And no, I am at point where I have to decide what is the best course of action so that she will have a positive and productive childhood.
Can I fight my child's battle?
I must admit I am tempted to go after anyone that would hurt my child. I know I can't fight a fourth-grader. I understand that he is a child as well. I also understand that if another adult (who I don't know) tried to discipline my child I would see a different color of red and have whole other set of social issues. As well as the school has a responsibility to protect all the children in attendance and if I did seek this kid out that could cause another legal discussion. So, I can't approach the kid for socially acceptable reasons.
But what happened to our society? Why do we protect bad behavior? We use to know when wrong was wrong. We use to call out bad people, bad behavior and identify when correction was needed. Now, we have all these different perspectives. People saying, you don't know what this person or that person is going through. Or, you don't know their side of the story.
I know my side, and here it goes. No one should put his or her hands on anyone else with the purpose of trying to control their behavior. No one should extort another with the purpose of trying to control his or her behavior. No one should be allowed to call another names to make themselves feel better (especially in elementary school).
Training for life?
While I have my rules, reality sets in and tells me that my daughter must learn how to navigate this bully. She has to learn how to stand up for herself. She has to learn not to be intimidated by his antics. She has to learn to not be concerned with what he thinks of her.
This is my challenge as a parent. She feels all these things. She can't concentrate on homework. She's debilitated at home and only wants to be held. Her stomach is nervous and last night she had to sleep with me. I had to hold her most of the night. She has a natural inclination to help others and maintain peace. Unfortunately other students have seen this as weakness and have attacked her.
I am at a lost?
I had a rough upbringing which essentially stomped out all of my innocence and left me a hard core fighter. I fight over small issues. A fact that just wears my husband down. There's no wonder why I became a lawyer.
I know what she's feeling, but I don't know how to advise her. I don't want her to fight like I did. I don't want her to lose that lovely spirit. I don't want her to be angry and mean. But I don't want her to be a victim either.
I would love her to learn a balance, but how do I teach her that, being slight off-balance myself.
To be continued.......
I am seeking advice and need help from other parents. Have you gone through something similar? What steps have you taken and how have they worked?
2 comments:
Hi to my “Mommy’s Woes" I was in the same predicament with my son a year ago. Its hurts when you see you child hurting, you want to fight their battles for them, but know you cannot get involved in kids affairs. I went to my son school and sit down with his teacher and informed her that my son was being bullied by the other student. (The school has a “ZERO” tolerance for bullying) This student was in the same class as my son. The teacher stated that she will look into it.
Strike 1
The next day, my son told me it was still happening. Ok! I went back to see his teacher this time I asked to speak with his teacher, the other student, and their parent as well as my son. Ii had to get the air clear on this problem. It went well and the child stopped for a day.
Strike 2
My son is a God fearing child and so am I. I taught him not to hit, push or get into trouble; so he listened to mom's words. The kid punches him another time and my son came home very upset, and was crying-yes! Little boys do cry and it got to me..
Strike 3
This time I went to the principal office and set up an appointment with “all” parties involved, including the teacher whom I reported the incidents too.. It’s nice to keep paper trails on issues like these, which I did.
No More strikes.
The principal suspended the child with some harsh words for the parent who claims she will talk to her child and deal with his bullying problems; the child returned to school the following week only to pick up where he left off- bullying my son again. My son came to me looking for me to give him some satisfaction, or take his side which I did. As a mom its was my responsible to protect him; so I did what “I” taught was best- I told him to go fill force and defend yourself. That was the day my some came home smiling, and a “Red slip” from his teacher lol. He forth with the bully, and beat him up badly. The child got a bloody nose and a scratch face. Was I proud "NO" but my son was not the victim anymore. I was sad it had to come to this
Mommy's Woes. Not because you are teaching your child to do the right thing- that dose not mean other parents take that same time to teach their child the same. Children model their parents’ behaviors. Come to find out, the child was acting out what he saw his dad doing to his mom. My problem was (but not on my son because I taught him how to fight very well) Do what you have to do to protect your child from being bullied..
From your CTAC sista..
Thank you CTAC sista for sharing your account. I definately believe that kids have to stick up for themselves. My husband's reaction was to sign her up for marshall arts so she can defend herself. I am not opposed to that idea. I really hope we can teach her to stand up for herself with out coming to blows.
You never know what some kids are dealing with at home and what they will bring to school.
Four-years-ago at my youngest brother's school, two girls were fighting over a pair of jeans. One day, one of the girls brought a kitchen knife to school and stabbed the other girl in the throat.
I remember my eldest brother advising my sister almost twenty-years-ago that she couldn't fight the world. He told her you will find that you brought fists to a gun fight, and you could lose your life. That was a year before he was shot and killed in the streets.
It's teaching Ariana the balance along with knowing when action is appropriate and when it's not that I am struggling with.
Thank you CTAC sista...I appreciate the advice.
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